


🍆

by midnightstreet



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: Gen, I love this friendship, Noah Reid's Penis, dialogue only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightstreet/pseuds/midnightstreet
Summary: "I sent [Clare] the tweet first — as I do most things, when I want to get your attention. I'll just show it to Clare, and then maybe she'll show it to you." —Dan Levy
Relationships: Dan Levy & Clare Stone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





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**Author's Note:**

> The image referenced — which is linked in the fic — is entirely SFW...unless you know what to look for.

“‘Ey ‘an!”

“Did you get the text I just sent?”

“Mo, ‘m bwushim’ ma ‘eef.”

“So you couldn’t look at a text, but you decided to answer my call? Spit and [check your messages](https://64.media.tumblr.com/55c4614cf79e41269e3980faabeb364c/775d357409a7318c-cd/s1280x1920/142c27729ac8b115f70127978ea5a6826ba76576.png).”

“Oh god, that is some hair I would rather forget. I _told_ him he needed toner.”

“Mm. Agreed. But that’s not why I’m bringing this to your attention. Maybe zoom in a bit? South of the border?”

“Welp, that is. That is my husband’s sausage, all right. Aww, it’s kind of cute, all smushed in there.”

“Oh my god.”

“Where did you even find this?”

“Umm. Someone...was looking at fan, uh. Content…”

“Was it you? Were you using your massive amounts of free time trying to get a better look at his dick? Here’s a hint for you: Backpackers, episode one.”

“It was _not_ me—”

“Is that the scratch of a pen I hear?”

“Fuck you.”

“So if it wasn’t you, who was it? Was it Emily?”

“...I can neither confirm nor deny.”

“I love her. Okay, so the big question is, what do we do about this?”

“You’re a lot smarter than me. I figured you’d know what the best course of action was.”

“Well, the way I see it, we have two options: I text it to him immediately, or I wait til he gets home. Option B would provide me with a lot more amusement, so I’m voting for that one.”

“You _want_ to show him?”

“Oh absolutely!”

“I know the guy doesn’t take himself too seriously, but…”

“Dan, he’s got no fashion sense, very little shame, and a dick to be proud of; after the initial freakout, he wouldn’t care if I printed this out and stapled it to the neighborhood telephone poles.”

“I’m getting him thicker underwear for Christmas.”

“Stop trying to spoil my fun, Levy.”

“Pervert.”

“I’ll put you on speaker when I tell him. But seriously: Backpackers. You can thank me later.”

**Author's Note:**

> The quote from Dan about him texting Clare comes from [this interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo2YegtDUoc).
> 
> Noah's (very impressive) dick, bouncing around inside his underwear, can indeed be seen in the very first scene of the first ep of a show he did called [Backpackers](https://www.cwseed.com/shows/backpackers/ch-1-pilot/?play=c1707bee-7a67-4d9a-8f30-572099b5f71f). You're welcome.


End file.
